Always Complain, Always Explain!

Some years ago, I used to bend over backward trying to explain myself if I felt things were unclear and expected the same treatment from others. For some reason I felt it my duty to be crystal clear about everything and not to leave any room for doubts – at the same time, if something did not suit me or did not deliver what I expected from it – I felt obligated to complain let my feelings and opinion about it be known, and fairly gave others my full attention when they complained.

This was then. It was hard work and come to think about it I must have been very irritating to some. Now that I am older and hopefully wiser – I feel people are free to understand me or not. They are also welcome to ask if I was unclear, but for me to go out of my way to explain, not anymore. As for complaining, I find it energy sapping and very frivolous.

My transformation started in the 90 with the self help revolution and reading books by John Gray, Zig Ziglar, Dale Carnegie and the like. It was then that I came across the “Never complain, Never Explain” phrase. Before long I had it on my wall on a yellow post-it note as a reminder and gradually similar phrases followed; “A winner should never waste his or her valuable time complaining or explaining”
“Never complain, never explain. Resist the temptation to defend your-self or make excuses” – this one is by Brian Tracy. Another by Benjamin Disraeli – “Never explain – your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway” . My wall was covered with them.

Over the weekend after canvassing sitting in a pub the topic of “never complaining, never explaining” came up. Although in the 90s I embraced it as a positive change, reviewing it over it is very clear that there is also a negative side to it. Especially in politics, many in politics use negative campaigning to damage their opponents and to sensationalize a situation they want to get across in order to score points. In this occasion not complain or not explain and putting the record straight is damaging. It could be so damaging that it becomes seen as the reality. That is why in politics the phrase should change to “Always Complain, Always Explain”!